‘My mother gave my life to a man when I was 14’: the drama of child marriage in the USA, where the practice is legal in 34 states

See the videos that are trending on g1 The wedding ceremony between Patricia Lane, 14, and Timothy Gurney, 27, lasted four minutes. Patricia did not wear a wedding dress, nor did she adorn her hair with flowers. The legal union took place in the simple office of a probate judge in the State of Alabama, in the southern United States. The bride’s mother was the only witness. “It was very quick. I didn’t want to be there,” Lane recalls to BBC News Mundo, the BBC’s Spanish-language news service. Today, she is 58 years old and lives in the city of Saint Paul in Minnesota, USA. “I didn’t like that man and my mother was furious. It was horrible,” she laments. A few minutes after receiving the marriage certificate, his first act was to cross the park opposite the courthouse and go play on one of the swings. His childish impulse angered his mother and her newlywed husband. “None of it was how I imagined a wedding would be,” she recalls. At the time, she was in the first few weeks of pregnancy with her first daughter, who she would later give up for adoption. Rules haven’t changed much in Alabama since Lane married her husband on May 21, 1980. Currently, a 14-year-old can no longer get married. But marriage is allowed at 16, as long as it is with the consent of one of the parents. “There are no other safeguards,” explains Anastasia Law, head of North American programs at Equality Now. “The State does not require the minor to express independent consent, nor judicial authorization.” Patricia Lane was forced by her family to marry when she became pregnant at the age of 13 BBC Alabama is on the list of 34 American states where people under 18 can still marry, subject to legal exceptions. The United Nations considers child marriage to be a formal or informal union involving people under the age of 18. This practice is internationally recognized as a violation of human rights. In the United States, at least 314,000 minors were legally married between 2000 and 2021, according to records from the organization Unchained at Last, dedicated to eliminating forced and child marriages in that country. Some of these minors got married when they were just 10 years old. But the majority are 16 or 17 year olds. The majority of them are girls who married adult men. These marriages can happen because the United States does not have a minimum age for marriage at the federal level. Therefore, each State establishes the local minimum age, according to its own rules. “The lack of a federal law has significant impacts on child marriage in the United States,” according to Law. “Without it, we need to continue our work defending minors, state by state, convincing each one of them to change their legislation.” Human rights organizations argue that the first step is the implementation of a minimum age at the federal level. But they emphasize that a comprehensive approach is needed to permanently eradicate child marriage in the United States. “Without laws that establish a minimum age of 18, without exception, boys and girls are left unprotected,” Law continues. “Legally allowing child marriage ratifies social approval of this practice.” Source: Equality Now, Unchained At Last BBC ‘Family dishonor’ Lane grew up in Eden Prairie, a small town of green hills overlooking the river, near the city of Minneapolis. For many, that is a dream place. But for her, Eden Prairie brings back memories of a childhood away from the world. “My brother and I were very culturally isolated,” she recalls. “Even though I lived in the suburbs of a large American city, my life was very rigid and oppressive.” A victim of sexual abuse since she was very young, Lane fell into a deep depression that led her, at the age of 12, to seek support from a helpline for people in crisis that she did not receive at home. That’s how she met Timothy Gurney, the man who answered her call that day and who, months later, would become her husband. Tim, as she called him, was 25 years old and studying at a religious seminary. And, to become a missionary, he worked in a small organization, answering calls to a helpline for people in crisis. After that first call, they stopped meeting. And, shortly after, Patricia Lane became pregnant, at 13 years old. Child marriage is internationally recognized as a human rights violation BBC “I discovered that prayer doesn’t work as a contraceptive method,” she says. “I was pregnant and didn’t want to marry him.” Lane was raised in an evangelical family. As Tim Gurney cried in the attic of his home, Lane told his parents the unexpected news. Her mother’s response was not what the young woman expected. She blamed her for having “dishonored the family”. “My mom was very clear,” Lane recalls. “I was to blame for all the shame I had brought to the family and the only possible solution to remedy the matter was to marry that man and be a good wife.” In other words, if Patricia Lane wanted to have the baby, she should get married. That’s how her father signed the consent, and the next day she, her mother and Tim took a road trip to the south of the country, looking for a courthouse where they could get married, which was prohibited in Minnesota. “I didn’t feel like I had any other option,” she explains. “I didn’t want to marry him, but I wanted with all my strength to keep that baby and raise him. I knew I could be a good mother.” In many cases, the pregnancy of minors serves as the basis for authorizing an exception to the minimum age of marriage. This is currently a legal argument in US states such as Arkansas, Maryland, New Mexico and Oklahoma. But even when parents resort to this factor as a supposed way to protect their pregnant daughters, child marriage can further complicate girls’ lives. Law argues that this practice only serves to “further legitimize exploitative relationships and acts that would otherwise be considered statutory rape or child abuse.” From Minnesota to Alabama Patricia Lane, her mother and Tim Gurney first went to Kentucky, the closest state to Minnesota that allowed marriage at that age. But local authorities rejected the request. “No way. They’re too young” was the response, Lane recalls. And, for her, “they were right. Absolutely right. I was very little.” They then proceeded to Alabama, where, at that time, they could marry as long as they had their parents’ permission. And, upon arriving in Lauderdale County, in the southern United States, Lane and Gurney were married within minutes. “I didn’t sign the marriage book,” she says. “My name is there, but I didn’t have to sign it.” “My mother signed for me. She gave my life to a man.” “That’s how these marriages work. Other people sell you out and you can’t escape until you turn 18,” Lane describes. In recent times, the rules have been changed. But, even in 2025, only 16 American states, plus the capital, Washington DC, established 18 years as the minimum age for marriage, without exceptions, as human rights organizations claim. Exceptions include women who are pregnant with their future husband, who have given birth to their future spouse’s child and have their parents’ consent to marry. Patricia Lane married at the age of 14 with her parents’ consent BBC In the years following her marriage, Lane faced difficult decisions, such as giving up her daughter for adoption and divorcing her husband. But she later remarried, this time of her own free will. Anastasia Law states that, currently, the most permissive states, where there is no minimum age for marriage with parental or judicial consent, are California, Mississippi, New Mexico and Oklahoma. “This means that minors of any age can marry people of any age,” she explains. “A federal law would eliminate legal loopholes that currently allow and encourage child marriage and child trafficking under the guise of marriage.” ‘I still struggle with isolation’ For Patricia Lane, her marriage at the age of 14 was not a choice, but a family imposition that limited several aspects of her life. These include education, social ties and your capacity for professional development. “I lost two years of education,” she laments. “I later recovered, but it’s not the same.” According to organizations dedicated to combating forced and child marriages in the United States, affected girls often isolate themselves and are more likely to drop out of school. As a result, they become even more dependent on their husbands. “My husband wouldn’t let me have friends,” says Lane. “I was all alone.” “I still struggle with isolation to this day. I feel more comfortable alone than in a group, as I still find it difficult to trust people.” In the long term, child marriage leaves severe consequences for the people involved. “Finally, I managed to get rid of these negative ideas. But even today, at almost 60 years old, I have difficulty trusting myself”, says Lane. ‘I was totally alone’, recalls Patricia Lane BBC Since 2018, 16 American states have changed their laws to prohibit child marriage, thanks to the persistent work of defending victims and civil society. But there is still a lot to be done. “I think a lot of people don’t understand that this still happens,” warns Lane. “They think it only happens in Third World countries or certain religions. But no, it happens in the United States too.” For Anastasia Law, the lack of awareness that child marriage is a problem in the United States, combined with entrenched gender prejudices, hampers efforts to drive legal change in the country. “For these men or, better said, pedophiles, marriage is a way to avoid legal charges. I ask the people who make the laws not to allow this”, argues Lane. “And, for those who argue that, at the age of 16 or 17, it is already true love… Great! If that is the case, it will continue to be true love when they are 18”, argues Patricia Lane, 45 years after the wedding signed by her mother.

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