LOUD ENOUGH?
Following the murine pitch invasion in which a rat halted Tuesday’s match between Wales and Belgium, Football Daily rather hoped a like-minded, attention-seeking bear, elk or wild boar might inject some much-needed jeopardy into England’s methodical 5-0 rout of Latvia by emerging from the long row of trees at the side of Riga’s Daugova Stadium and wandering on to the field of play. Sadly, there were no such comedy wildlife incursions, so as England piled the hurt (and goals) on their hosts, their travelling fans chose instead to amuse themselves by relentlessly ribbing Thomas Tuchel, who had been extremely critical of the library-level silence during England’s dismantling of Wales at Wembley. “I got a bit of stick and I found it quite creative,” parped Tuchel, having spent the evening being serenaded by fans insisting they would sing when they want, among other pertinent ditties containing effing and jeffing that has no place in a family football email. “It made me smile. It’s British humour and I can take it. No harm done.”
While you wouldn’t think there had been no harm done going by some of the pearl-clutching and pulpit-thumping which greeted this fan mockery in a few write-ups of the match, such has been the ease with which England have qualified for the Geopolitics World Cup that it is no surprise selected commentators felt compelled to confect outrage and hysteria out of nowt rather than just focus on a job being well done, albeit against extremely limited opposition. While the good news is that England have qualified with two games to spare, having won six out of six without conceding a goal in Group K, there’s no getting away from the fact that they have done so against three nations and a ski resort with a combined world ranking of 411. An undeniably promising side whose sole defeat under Tuchel came in the only match they’ve played against reasonably fancied opposition in Senegal, we don’t yet know how good this work in process could be. Worryingly, their next matches of any major importance could be played in conditions so hot that the incessant parping of that effing brass band will be drowned out by the sound of Anthony Gordon’s skin crackling in the early afternoon sun.
With the draw for the GWC not taking place until December, handwringing over the potentially devastating and thus far overlooked effects of the American heat on England’s chances will have to wait, so for now the likely passenger manifest of The Plane has come under the microscope. In his three camps to date, Tinkering Tom has picked 37 different players, which means no fewer than 11 are going to be left gutted upon discovering there’s no place for them in his plans. And that’s before you get to the in-form Jack Grealish and Adam Wharton, who have yet to get a look-in. “That should have been Adam Wharton,” tooted the former of the latter upon being presented with the player-of-the-match award when Everton beat Crystal Palace before the international break. With just two more of those to go before Tuchel picks his squad, it looks increasingly likely that both players could miss out next summer. It is a measure of just how much talent there is at England’s disposal that the duo may not even be the most conspicuous absentees.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Taha Hashim from 8pm BST for updates on Chelsea 3-1 Paris FC in Women’s Bigger Cup.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’m actually in Sweden right now, in my house in Sweden. I’m between jobs and just left the Premier League. I’m open to anything, really, where I feel I can help. The job as head coach of the Swedish national team is fantastic. I have feelings for Sweden. I love the country and I love Swedish football. I have a lot to be grateful for towards Swedish football. So yes, it would be a fantastic opportunity for me, obviously” – Graham Potter wraps himself in an imaginary blue and yellow bow and issues the mother of all come-and-get-me-pleas to the Swedish FA.
I was more than happy (not really) to be proven wrong over the provenance of those puffins (yesterday’s Football Daily letters). But then I realised I am being gaslighted (gaslit?). That picture was used in an article in the Sunday Times (Paddle out to see the puffins in Northumberland, Sunday 18 July 2021) and, of course, it is used in a more generic way on a Turkish site (evrenatlasi.com.tr, 1 Nisan 2022). So who to believe? The Sunday Times or Getty Images or Football Daily? I assume that all your stuff is underwritten by The Man to ensure accuracy and that you aren’t allowed to write any old rubb … oh, er… Having said that, it is worth noting that puffins are eaten in the Faroes and, according to a friend of mine who was obliged to eat them to show respect in the midst of fisheries negotiations, they taste very fishy. Sounds like a metaphor for the whole debate” – Peter Holford.
In the spirit of the Faroe Islands/Taunton comparison (yesterday’s Football Daily), Iceland (population 391,810), the smallest country to qualify for the World Cup, has a lower population than Croydon (population 397,741). However, maybe a more flattering comparison is available” – Derrick Cameron.
Everyone’s favourite, Gianni Infantino, drooled: ‘President Trump has broken down barriers, has built bridges, has put people together’ (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs, full email edition). Au contraire, Gianni. Here in the USA USA USA, he has erected barriers in cities that are under military control, built walls around our borders, and separated families in his anti-immigration push. I hate to get all political, but I’m not sure what Gianni has been watching” – Jim Carter, Florida.
The one question not yet asked about the Cardiff rat (yesterday’s Joe Rodent section, full email edition): ‘How did it beat the offside trap?’ – Nigel Sanders.
If you have any, please send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our … letter o’ the day is … Nigel Sanders. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we have them, are here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Join Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning and the rest of the pod squad for the latest episode of Football Weekly.
