New season. New stuff. New camera angles. Director: “And cut to Ref Cam.” Suddenly we are transported from the gliding calm of a wide angle to GoldenEye on the Nintendo 64, except you are not James Bond, you are Simon Hooper peering up at a strange angle of Harvey Barnes. Stop looking around Simon, stand still Simon. As one correspondent to Guardian Football Weekly suggested, it’s the Professional Game Match Officials’ tribute to Uncut Gems.
New season – wildly terrible predictions. My Premier League winners Manchester City won the title at Wolves on the opening weekend but are now sensationally out of the race after being outplayed by Spurs. Not sure anyone predicted Nuno Espírito Santo to be leading the sack race (nb: written before Grimsby). Who had Ange to lead Nottingham Forest to Europa League glory?
New season – the constants that remind you that football never changes. Manchester United without a win – GRIMSBY! West Ham fans streaming out long before the final whistle. Joelinton avoiding a booking. Bournemouth/Wolves/Fulham fans complaining that you haven’t talked about Bournemouth/Wolves/Fulham enough. Existential crises north of the border.
Speaking of existential crises … New season – more children concurrently reminding you of your own mortality and lack of general life achievements. Max Dowman: maybe the first Premier League player born after the Soccer AM “glory years” began (I presume that’s how everyone measures the passing of time). A 16-year-old scoring the winner for Liverpool at Newcastle (long after his bedtime, etc). Rio Ngumoha is 17 on Friday. You’re 16 until you’re 17. Happy birthday, Rio.
New season – new directives from the PGMO. Oh, here we go, don’t spend too long on this one. Could holding in the box be the new handball? The thing that has us yelling at clouds. “I just don’t know the rules any more.” “This isn’t why people fell in love with the game.” Now the refs are mic’d up, it feels more NFL than ever. “Holding, No 3 on the DE-FENSE, penalty Manchester United.”
Before the season, the head of the PGMO, Howard Webb, said: “If you get one of those situations where one player is clearly dragging another one to the floor in an extreme non-football action, even if it’s off the ball, we expect the referee to see it … If it’s a clear one, then the VAR will intervene and recommend the referee looks at it at the screen because it fits the criteria that we’ve laid out. An extreme non-footballing action which prevents an opponent from moving.”
So we have Calvin Bassey v Mason Mount. Bassey very much the senior wrestler – the Ultimate Warrior, with Mount in the Barry Horowitz role. Mount commits himself and Bassey just rolls him, forgetting to pin him for the intercontinental title. Surprisingly Chris Kavanagh wasn’t knocked out by a chair by Sander Berge before giving the penalty.
According to the laws, it is a penalty. But as many have pointed out, Luke Shaw is attempting a figure-four leg lock on Rodrigo Muniz at the same time. And then in the second half, Leny Yoro gets away with pushing Bassey in the back before heading the ball off Muniz and into the net. According to the VAR the level of contact “wasn’t impactful”.
Now whether you think United taking the lead at Craven Cottage is impactful is a broader question. Perhaps not in the context of a universe that has existed for 13.7bn years, but it did have the impact of Bassey not being able to head the ball, giving Yoro a free header and United a goal. Perhaps the PGMO is thinking more deeply than the rest of us.
So here is yet another imbalance weighted against defenders in the Premier League. Already they have to spend most of their time with their hands behind their back, defending against attackers who can move theirs around freely in all the natural positions arms go in. And now attackers can push defenders around with relative impunity.
It has obviously always been the case that a defender risks more by pushing an attacker in the box than the other way round. If Mount pushes Bassey over (good luck with that, Mason), he might get away with it, and if he doesn’t, Fulham get a free-kick in their own box. The other way round, as happened on Sunday, and it’s a penalty. Rob Green explained excellently on the all-new (same) Match of the Day that Mount has no interest in winning the ball. He is just trying to stop Bassey – back to the NFL again – and blocking doesn’t feel too far away from a non-footballing action.
after newsletter promotion
You have to feel for the officials, because this is virtually impossible to police with any sort of consistency. Attackers can barge into defenders, create space for their teammates to get a free header, maybe get a penalty if they’re lucky, while defenders have to fend off the opposition running into them, without fending off the opposition running into them. And so much is happening in the penalty area that sometimes they’ll be given and sometimes they won’t.
The extra scrutiny means there is a risk of more delays and more penalties. And we don’t need more penalties. Football is the best sport because goals are rare. More goals doesn’t make it better, especially penalties.
The solution is to give the defence the advantage. If the VAR is staring at a crowded penalty area at a set piece, then if any defender is being fouled, regardless of the wrestling elsewhere, the free-kick goes in their favour. So a new season, a new directive to get confused about. Let’s hope it’s not as impactful as a two-handed shove in the back, however impactful that is.
-
On Thursday 11 September, join Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning and newly announced panellists: Jonathan Wilson, Nicky Bandini and Jonathan Liew for Football Weekly Live at the Troxy, London. Book tickets at theguardian.com/footballweeklylive
