EVERYBODY HÜRZ
When Fabian Hürzeler grumbled about Arsenal’s penchant for time-wasting ahead of their visit to the Amex Stadium, he knew exactly what levers he was pulling. While he may have been speaking to the ladies and gentlemen of the press, Brighton’s head coach was playing to a different gallery: his own team’s fans and the match officials tasked with maintaining order. By highlighting the ticking clock before a ball had even been kicked, Hürzeler effectively primed the Amex faithful to jeer and barrack every slow corner or carefully choreographed shoulder injury. More importantly, the German placed the referee in an extremely tricky position: ignore any stalling and appear weak, or brandish an early yellow and validate Hürzeler’s gamesmanship. Between his presser and kick-off, much of the discourse revolved around whether or not Arsenal are masters of the “strategic pause”, with some Social Media Disgrace users even going so far as to produce a Premier League table of time-wasting. True to form, Arsenal couldn’t even win that but it didn’t matter. Irritating their head coach was half the battle for Hürzeler, as an agitated Mikel Arteta is prone to touchline histrionics that often bleed on to the pitch and affect his players as the pressure mounts.
Sadly for Brighton, it was the other half of the battle in which Hürzeler came up short. While he may have edged the contest in the press room, for the third time this season against Arsenal, his team lost the more important one out on the grass. Despite having home advantage and playing league leaders that were nowhere near their best, Brighton squandered the few chances they created on the rare occasions they managed to put any sort of pressure on their visitors’ snake belly low block. In a football match exceedingly low on quality, arguably the best entertainment came from watching both teams’ head coaches jab accusatory fingers at each other from their technical areas, while tattling on each other to a beleaguered fourth official. The tension finally boiled over on the touchline when a fuming Hürzeler barked at Piero Hincapié to “play effing football”, as the Ecuadorian defender dithered over a throw-in. The Arsenal man simply offered a smirk and a finger to his lips, shushing the Brighton manager in a gesture that did not have the desired effect.
“I made my point before the game and I stick to it,” said Hürzeler, who took defeat predictably well. “I will never be that kind of manager who tries to win in that way. Of course, every team will manage and waste time but there has to be a limit and the limit has to be set by the Premier League. At the moment, they [Arsenal] just do what they want.” Of course in embarking on this kind of lament after a match in which his team was beaten, Hürzeler succeeded in sounding only like a sore loser, something he acknowledged up to a point. “In the end I think [against] these kinds of opponents, you can only punish [them] by winning,” he said. “So today I have no arguments on my side.” And while the absence of any arguments on his side didn’t stop the 33-year-old from presenting them at great and tedious length, here’s hoping he took on board the evening’s sobering lesson – winning the mind games is pointless if you’re only going to lose the match to a deflected shot that trickles through your goalkeeper’s legs.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I fully accept responsibility for my actions and understand the seriousness of this matter. I have taken steps to ensure it will not happen again. Due to the nature of my role, I will ensure I take the steps to address the issue” – Palace manager Oliver Glasner, in a handwritten note, fails to persuade Willesden magistrates court not to ban him from driving for the next six months after breaking one of London’s 20mph speed limits.
double quotation mark I found the text accompanying yesterday’s Memory Lane (full email edition) with Thierry Henry and Tony Adams playing basketball during Arsenal training quite illuminating. Having just looked at the accompanying photo first, I’d assumed it was taken at the Republic of Ireland v France World Cup playoff second leg from 2009” – Phil Taverner (and others).
double quotation mark As you suggested in yesterday’s Memory Lane, Tony Adams may indeed have struggled to perform as an NBA guard. But with his extraordinary ability to frequently raise his right arm to great heights, he would surely have been an All-Star shot blocker” – Gareth Rogers.
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