WE’RE SORRY
Chelsea Football Club, an apology. Football Daily, and many others, would like to admit we might have poked rather too much fun at the machinations of the institution that brought us such chortlesome items as amortisation, nine-year contracts, spending a billion quid, stockpiling young players, flogging hotels to linked companies for accountancy reasons and selling a globally admired women’s team to linked companies for accountancy reasons. What larks we had! Todd Boehly, sweat-panted sire of soccernomics, we salute you. Behdad Eghbali, prince of pincer-like movements to snap up Geovany Quenda, Dário Essugo and Kendry Páez, whoever they are, take a bow. Clearlake Capital, Mark Walter and Hansjörg Wyss, names not mentioned enough, you guys have broken the mould. Who says private equity firms, global investment suits and nonagenarian Swiss billionaire financiers know nothing about football? Football Daily’s flat-capped, flat-earthers have been made to look dafter than ever.
On Tuesday in Bigger Cup, as Barcelona were made to look rather less than a football team, let alone more than a club, the Chelsea project flowered in front of the planet’s eyes. In Estêvão the club appears to boast what in the USA USA USA they call a “franchise player”. His performance overshadowed that of Lamine Yamal, making Spanish football’s prime asset resemble last year’s smartphone compared to Estêvão’s bright and shiny new model, with special AI functions, better camera and all that jazz. Talking of Spaniards, Marc Cucurella, previously mocked as a Louis XIV-haired waste of £60m from feeder club Brighton, did a right number on Lamine Yamal, the latest impressive showing from one of the most improved players around.
Talking tonsorially, there’s far less bald fraud talk about Enzo Maresca. Sure, he doesn’t smoulder like José Mourinho in those mid-2000s Richard Gere-in-raincoat days and doesn’t have the same cool as Carlo Ancelotti, but Maresca already has two trophies. If some decry Tin Pot and the Copa Gianni, he has continued Chelsea’s tradition of trousering silverware. Winning pots is what Chelsea have done better than anyone in England since Roman Abramovich’s chopper landed; Arsenal have found them rather harder to come by. Last weekend, as the Gunners smashed Spurs, Manchester City had their latest wobble and Liverpool fans began to pinpoint relegation six-pointers in their diaries, the mist cleared to announce Chelsea as the only true challengers.
And lo, the Premier League fixture computer pulled out a plum. On Sunday, Mikel Arteta’s artillery will be getting it launched at Stamford Bridge, as the north Londoners owned by a real estate magnate in the red corner take on the west Londoners owned by a consortium of investment capital suits in the blue corner. Thank you, Todd, Behdad and the lads, for restoring football’s romance, and once again, sorry for doubting you.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“For all you people in America, if you don’t know about it, you need to get right into Tunnock’s. I think the way the night went for Scotland supporters, they’ll all be really looking forward to going to America and invading America. This will be the biggest invasion America’s had for years with Scotland supporters! We’re hoping to go over there and shock the rest of the world” – David Moyes, there, with some passionate language that will please Thomas Tunnock Ltd though he may have unwittingly put the US department of homeland security on high alert.
In ‘never go back’ and ‘sequels are never as good’ (excluding the Godfather Part II obviously) news, a doff of the cap to Martin O’Neill. Five wins out of his six games in charge with a team that had only one out of the previous six games and Celtic’s first away win in Europe in four years” – Noble Francis.
If Graeme Souness believes that Mo Salah’s brother has been playing in his place this season (yesterday’s Football Daily), then we have to take him seriously. After all, given his experience with George Weah’s cousin Ali Dia when Southampton manager, who better than Souness to spot an imposter who’s only getting game time due to family connections?” – Christian Goldsmith.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Christian Goldsmith. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, can be viewed here. In fact, we’ll be giving away copies of Mary Earps’s book next week. It caused a bit of a stir, you may remember.
