The important thing to remember about predictions is that they are not just a bit of fun. Within them they display your deep hatred of insert your club hereyour thinly veiled agenda against insert Arsenal here. Ignore the apologies for relegating you with the “I’ve got to pick someone” defence. It’s a list that represents vitriol and indifference in equal measure.
Prediction is too pompous a word for it. What we are doing here is called guessing. And whatever you do guess will be less fanciful and ridiculous than what actually happens. None of your “in the knows” had Liverpool sewing the title up by March, Manchester City winning one in 13, Manchester United 15th, Spurs 17th, Crystal Palace winning the FA Cup, Chris Wood scoring 20.
So given the total futility of the process, here with almost no conviction is my 2025-26 Premier League 1-20.
1 Manchester City*. The terrible run they went on last season was odd, and extremely entertaining. This is based on Pep Guardiola’s insane hunger for all of this, for the legacy of rebuilding this team again. I love Omar Marmoush – not just because it is a wonderful name for commentators to yell as a ball flies in, but mainly that.
2 Arsenal. It is fun to think about Arsenal finishing second again and again and again. Martín Zubimendi is a wonderful footballer – their midfield is elite. Viktor Gyökores should be good. He may not be. Smarter people than me (Jonny Liew) have suggested he will at least occupy defenders to such a degree that Bukayo Saka will have a record-breaking season. Myles Lewis-Skelly/Ethan Nwaneri have almost limitless potential. Being the second-best team is really quite impressive, but at some point someone will be yelling: “You can’t be dropping points at home to Fulham and expect to be champions.”
3 Liverpool. Note, this is written before Liverpool 3 (Ekitiké 37, Salah 54, 83) Bournemouth 1 (Evanilson 47). Integrating so many big players for Arne Slot will be difficult. Florian Wirtz is a joy, but will change how others have to play. I love Milos Kerkez, but with Jérémie Frimpong on the other side this isn’t Andy Fensome and Alan Kimble. There will be holes. Of all the unknowables, how Diogo Jota’s former teammates and friends react to his heartbreaking death is perhaps the hardest to judge. Dressing rooms are intense workplaces. You spend so much time with your teammates. And while the news cycle just bulldozes our smartphones and we jump from one tragedy to the next before we’ve had time to process the last one, this will be at the forefront of a lot of his friends’ minds. Grief affects people in different ways, and some players will find the escapism of being on the pitch liberating, but others won’t. Much of our analysis of sport is superficial – we never know how any player is really feeling – and this is a stark and incredibly sad example of that.
4 Chelsea. They are probably the only other team who could win the league. And although it feels as if they’ve bought all the attacking midfielders, the reality is they’ve bought no more than 20. It doesn’t feel romantic. Some of the new crop will be Nkunku’d before long. And yet Cole Palmer is so wonderful and by all accounts Estêvão may one day be mentioned in the same breath as your Pelés, your Zidanes – but let’s not put too much pressure on the lad. The defence is not all that robust, but further forward they could be really something.
5 Spurs. Here’s some recency bias, but there’s some real enthusiasm after the Super Cup, especially if we ignore what happened. Some players put in their best performances in a Spurs shirt: Rodrigo Bentancur, Pape Sarr, Richarlison. Djed Spence was superb. If they add Eberechi Eze, and even Savinho, and there is some kind of mutual destruction above them, my supercomputer would give them a 1% chance of the title. What would Ange think watching Kevin Danso arch his back and Andy Legg it into the box from anywhere?
6 Aston Villa. This may be a little generous given their summer deals. But Unai Emery is still Unai Emery. Our obsession with transfers ignores things such as teams already being good. Morgan Rogers is one of the two best Morgans in the league and Youri Tielemans is routinely ignored despite his brilliance. For the good of football Emi Martínez should have gone to Atléti. But he remains, constantly shattering my theory to never trust a short-sleeved goalkeeper.
7 Manchester United. Why have I done this? File it perhaps under: “It can’t go on for ever”. Obviously, it can. Here’s hoping. If they play Matheus Cunha, Benjamin Sesko and Bryan Mbeumo and drop Bruno Fernandes into midfield, they need someone/something really rather mobile next to him. T1000 plus the Roadrunner plus peak N’golo Kanté. Arsenal first up is fascinating. They’ll probably lose, and the pressure is on immediately. No surprise if Ruben Amorim doesn’t last the season.
8 Nottingham Forest. This is generous. And done before the Omari Hutchinson/James McAtee deals. Keeping Morgan Gibbs-White is huge (blink twice if they’re treating you well, Morgan) and Elliot Anderson was standout at the under-21 Euros. Wood will need to fall into Obelix’s magic potion again, but the back four and keeper are still there (shout to the oft-ignored Neco Williams who was always brilliant when I watched him last season).
9 Brighton. Could be sixth, could be 12th. Brighton’s well-run, well-recruited model is starting to get a little boring for neutrals. But they confound the cliche that you can’t keep buying cheap and selling big (to Chelsea). Turns out you can. Of their four major signings, I’d heard of two – and even seen one play. But history suggests they’ll all be great.
10 Newcastle. There are definitely problems at St James’. PIF appears to be more interested in its own league, in golf, in MOSES ITAUMA VERSUS DILLIAN WHYTE. Above Eddie Howe it seems a bit of a mess. But below him there is Jason Tindall and a really good squad. And there is St James’. One of the few places where people are awake for a Saturday 12.30pm game. There will always be a couple of those games where Newcastle seemingly just score with every attack.
OK mid-table now, let’s get a rattle on …
11 Crystal Palace. Wronged by Uefa. Perhaps losing Marc Guéhi and Eze, but still a good team with an excellent manager. As founder of the Adam Wharton fanclub, membership grows by the game.
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12 Everton. Shiny stadium. Shiny Jack Grealish. It feels wrong for there to be enthusiasm around Everton. Moyes ended the season brilliantly. I thought it was a bad appointment. I was wrong. Hopefully, Thierno Barry or Beto get on the end of the creativity of Grealish and the brilliant Iliman Ndiaye. Slightly nervous about their centre mids.
13 Fulham.
14 Bournemouth. Marcus Tavernier must be wondering why no one’s bought him as he looks around and the keeper and the rest of the back four have gone.
15 Leeds. Speaking with Yeboah-like hope over judgment perhaps but Leeds in the Premier League is a good thing. I have a little hunch Sean Dyche will keep them up.
16 Brentford. There’s guessing and then there’s guessing. Who knows? Is Keith Andrews good? Can Mikkel Damsgaard be as good again? No idea.
17 Sunderland. Yearning for the promoted sides to do a better job than the last three, Sunderland could be worse than Southampton, but recruitment has been fun, and so, with apologies, I’ve got to relegate someone.
18 Wolves. This is probably a terrible prediction. Vítor Pereira did such a brilliant job. Given the conveyor belt of excellent Portuguese midfielders (still don’t quite believe João Neves doesn’t play for them), you can be forgiven for forgetting which ones are there at any one time. João Gomes is very good. But Rayan Aït-Nouri (always hear Leyton Orient), Cunha and Nélson Semedo are big losses.
19 Burnley. Yeh.
20 West Ham. FYI Hammers fans, its @maxrushden on all the socials if you want to come for me. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine – I relegated Nottingham Forest last season.
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