I am staring at a video posted by my beloved Cambridge United. Their stuff is pretty good. It’s four days until our League Two campaign begins at home to Cheltenham. “Striker, Acquired” it reads, the video showing a man with a neat beard in baggy jeans wearing the new home shirt. The music is the kind that if it was played too loudly in a confined space I would instantly get a migraine. OK, these things aren’t aimed at me.
The man does some keepie-uppie in bright white trainers. He has an endearing smile. He side-foots a few, points at the camera, leans against a post, rests a ball against his right hip and then smashes a penalty into the roof of the net. Our new saviour is here. The man to score the goals to get us back into League One at the first attempt.
The video does not give us his name, which feels like an oversight or perhaps a generous amount of presumed knowledge. As someone who prides himself (and fills way too much of TalkSport’s airtime) at being able to guess the footballer from his Wikipedia page, sadly Dundee United, Broughty, Northampton , Stevenage has me beaten. Fortunately, the club give us the details with the next post. The man to pin all our hopes on is Mr Louis Appéré.
The first comment on the post from Dan does not necessarily inspire – “I’ll back him but 0 goals last season and hasn’t ever been prolific anywhere, let’s hope he can be for us this season [thumbs up emoji].” A little more searching and there is one Northampton fan who is in love with him. Ellis_2002 has named his account “Has Louis Appéré re-signed for Northampton Town yet?”. Ellis has posted “No” every day since his departure from Sixfields about a year ago. You have to admire the commitment.
It should also be remembered that Paul Mullin had barely done anything until we taught him how to play at our training ground just by my parents’ house and now he’s in Deadpool. A big season for Appéré and he could be an Avenger.
I often think about how we discuss players at this level. When you watch a lot of League One and League Two it is easy to forget quite how sensationally good all these players are. At one point every one of the them was the best somewhere – school, youth, academy, wherever. It is a weird situation where they are living the dream – being paid to play football – but constantly having to acknowledge they are not the best at this. Another of our signings, Ben Knight, made his debut for Manchester City in the Community Shield in 2021, coming on for Ferran Torres in the 74th minute against Leicester. He played for England Under-18s. League Two can’t be where he expected to be four years later.
It is a dream, but it is also an odd dream to be a lower-league footballer. You have the huge sacrifices from 18-30, when most of us are trying to work out how to be an adult, what I could term my chips, cheese and doner meat years. Add to that the complete lack of any semblance of security, not only of income but also of geography. You’ve just been sold to Exeter; you’re on loan at Grimsby, recalled in January. Out of contract, give Shrewsbury a go. Add to that more coach travel than anyone should be subjected to.
At the end of it all you probably have to find a proper job, but without virtually any transferable skills. “Tell us a moment when you triumphed in adversity” … “Well, we were one down at Tranmere with 10 minutes to go and I bundled one in at the far post to keep us in the hunt for the playoffs.” “Congratulations, you’re our new CFO.”
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League Two may be the most exciting and least predictable of the top four divisions. It’s just you don’t pay any attention to it when you’re not in it. As a result I have barely looked at it since Mark Bonner took us up in the Covid season in 2021. But with no games played, I have a confidence that hits me around this time every season. Our signings look interesting. Pelly Ruddock Mpanzu played in the Premier League. Dominic Ball has played for lots of good clubs (and Peterborough). His surname is Ball.
It may be a stretch to say League Two squads are as randomly selected as Scrabble letters, but given one or two very tiny sliding doors there’s every chance Cambridge’s squad would be a set of 25 completely different individuals.
I am waiting for a player to answer: “So what made you choose [insert League Two club]?” with “To be honest, this was the best I could do.” I’m waiting for a manager to say: “Look, he was our fourth choice, but the season starts next week.” Instead we get the facilities, the gaffer, the project as the reasons why these guys have chosen to be here. And we get “we’ve wanted him for a long time” from the manager.
That may be what every new player at every club says, but I choose to believe the ones who are at … [check badge] Cambridge United … [kiss badge]. In Neil Harris, (whose loyalty I have never questioned), we trust. Come on you U’s.
